Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
