His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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