I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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