the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
