it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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