is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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