guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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