i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
