When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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