I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
