Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
worst night to have a conscience
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
