she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
