we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
