Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
this hospital has no fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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