Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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