I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
