Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Mom said you looked used
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
