Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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