I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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