Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
