Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
