end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
