btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
