I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
