I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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