Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
