yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
