I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
