I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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