It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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