the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
