Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
