If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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