let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
