Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
