I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
