i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
