I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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