Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
