you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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