Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
