dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
