i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
