the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
