I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
