Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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