I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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