have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
