the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
