I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
