so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
