is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I believe in your delicious
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
