She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
